May, 2010:

Yes, I thought that would get your attention.

After spending many years in Istanbul, it occurred to me the other day that I have, in addition to learning a fair bit of Turkish, learned to speak “horn,” and here’s where this blog entry has potential to digress in a totally different direction!

What I mean when I say that people are horny, is that if you have ever lived in a city of 15 million people (give or take 5 million), you will agree that people use horns to communicate in all sorts of ways…based on my experience and observations while in an overcrowded city, I have put together a brief “Horn to English” dictionary… Enjoy!

Each category of vehicle has it’s own language so I shall separate them by class of transport. I will describe the action being emitted from the vehicle and follow it with what it is trying to communicate.

Taxis looking for customers:
Half a honk – hey! I’m a taxi!
One short honk – I see you walking and I could drive you where you want to go
Two short honks – really, I see you and I’m available
Two short followed by a double flash of the headlights – seriously, I know there are a thousand other taxis out here and you are still walking, so I can only assume that you haven’t found the right one… I’m your guy!
Three short but rapid honks – I’m fast, jump in and I will get you there in record time!

Taxis with customers:
Half a honk – watch out, I’m on a run, I can’t stop once I’ve started
One full honk – I’m a taxi and you’re a human crossing the road, you’re like a pigeon to me, either you get out of the way or I will run your a*s over… I’m not stopping!
One full honk at an intersection – I’m moving faster than you and if you can see the lack of concern in my eyes you will know…. I’m not going to stop, yield, or slow down!
One long honk – I was here first!
Two long honks, holding on the second – are you fuc**n’ kidding me!? Who parallel parks on a busy street at 6pm on a weeknight?!!!
One long honk AND HOLD – I don’t know what you 150 cars in front of me are stopped for… But if you can hear this, you will obviously take note of my urgent request and MOVE IT!!!!!
Two long honks AND HOLD – obviously you didn’t hear the first one…. Here’s another!!!!!!!

Regular cars (just average people driving around)
One short honk – hey!
One short honk followed by responding short honk – hey! hey back!
Two quick honks – hey you look good! Any chance that you would be attracted to a man that speeds past and acknowledges your beauty with the toot of a horn?

Well, these are just few of my horny experiences in a city of 18 million… I hope this entry has been informative and has satisfied you in some way:))

By the way, while writing this blog I have counted close to 40, wait… 41 honks!!!

Love!

After passing through Toronto multiple times, this was my first time actually leaving the Toronto airport… With an 8 hour layover and nothing to do, I decided to take the city by storm… or shall I say by stroll:)

With no idea of where to go, I thought a good way to start would be to google “Organic Restaurants.” (When in doubt, let your stomach lead the way!)

I decided to take the subway in since the volunteer at the information booth convinced me that all modes of transportation would take equal time… and he seemed to be a subway man himself, since he grimaced each time I questioned if a taxi or the express bus would be easier… When you only have a few hours, you don’t want to spend them underground looking at all the different subway stops, of which I counted 20! (yes, I took a taxi on the way back:)

Arriving downtown, I exited the subway station and consulted my trusty iPhone and since it does not discriminate between north and south, I confidently walked in the wrong direction multiple times.

Ok… Right here I need to insert massive frustration!!!!! I had finished this entry and then lost it ALL from this point on…. It’s so frustrating when all of your wit and intelligent phrases for the past two hours goes to waste!!!

Perhaps I was not meant to share my 8 hours of wild and crazy Toronto experiences with you?!

So, let’s change it up a bit… Here is a list of words that, like spices in a dish, are the after-taste of my Toronto experience (in no particular order and for no particular reason):
UNICEF volunteers, burgers, Whole Foods, hand made chocolate, very short skirts, more Whole Foods, Save the Children volunteers (across the street from the Unicef volunteers), Italian coffee, outdoor patios, manicure & pedicure (nice hands and feet are part of the job description), high heels – really short skirts (yes, I know I already mentioned it) – and small dogs, a cigar cafe?!, Stella x 2, taxis, a slight breeze, public squares (as apposed to a square public:), more Italian coffee, Lululemon (of course), french fries with a tomato and avocado salad (very eclectic I know, but I didn’t think I was hungry:)

Well, that is my verbal-Toronto-aftertaste:)) I had a great eight hours in Toronto, looking forward to our next visit – soon!

Chris